


Wrapped in your love

by 42potatoes



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 15:20:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14855261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/42potatoes/pseuds/42potatoes
Summary: It feels like so long since Lucio has seen Jaimie. It feels like a part of him is missing in the worst way.





	Wrapped in your love

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the song wrapped from on your feet! The Broadway musical. It’s a really beautiful song and it’s gonna be linked. Please listen with the fic if you can! Heavily based off the plot of this song. Italicised lines are the lyrics.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs2qN20B-4Y  
> thanks to madam-mess for reading it over for me.

”So you’ll be on the next flight out after this last concert right?” Jaimie seemed so excited, grin cutting along his face as he drummed his fingers along the edge of his laptop. He was always doing something, twitching or drumming or tapping or humming. I wish I could reach through the screen and kiss him. It’s been two months too long without him. My heart misses his rhythm. At least he’s been taking good care of himself without me. I was afraid he would go back to eating nothing but junk food (and even then only every other day whenever he becomes aware enough to notice his hunger.) But it seems he’s been eating well and often, quite possibly because I told him I would forcefully shove five meals down his throat when I get back if he doesn't take a break often enough to eat something substantial.

  
“Yep! I got everything lined up. The bus, the plane, and finally you. Hopefully things will go smoothly tonight. You got that reservation booked for lunch right?” I doubt I’ll be able to sleep on the plane over. I feel like every nerve is on high alert. Just one night, one night and a plane ride and I’ll be with him again.

“Yep, there won’t be any rabid fans to interrupt our date again, we’ll have our own room.” I can't help but chuckle at the memorie I know he’s referencing. We planned a nice date and apparently some people had seen us walking around. A huge crowd showed up right as we were kissing, it was the only thing in the tabloids for weeks. Poor Jaimie was embarrassed as hell, but eventually he got used to the limelight. He’s abandoned his twitter thought, too many rabid fans, not that he really used it much in the first place, he really only had it because I asked him to get it. He’s just as excited for us to meet up for our get-together as I am, I can tell, and he’s giving me that look; like I’m the dawn and he’s about to see the sun for the first time in years.

“I can’t wait.” I smile and tap the screen where his nose is displayed. A loud scuffle and yell comes from somewhere behind him.His head snaps to the sound before he grimaces, turning to the screen, looking extremely disappointed.

“Hey love, I gotta go.” He furrowed his eyebrows and I know he doesn't want to hang up, but the yell comes again.

“Okay, well I’ll see you, just twelve hours.” I try to hide my disappointment. Twelve hours isn’t so long anyhow, right?

“Just twelve hours.” He repeats with a sigh. “Goodnight luv.” Jaimie smiles at me and blows a kiss at the camera.

“And good morning, I love you.” He smiles at me and looks at the camera a moment before hanging up the call, screen freezing on his smile.

  
_I keep every tear like an ocean_   
_For every day that my fortune_   
_Kept me from being with you_

  
I can only sigh and close the laptop. I didn’t think I could miss someone as much as I do Jaimie. This is the longest we’ve been apart since we started dating. Normally he gets to come on my tours but Ana insisted that they need an explosives expert for their next mission. It had scared me to death, having him go on a mission when I wasn’t there, we’d saved each other from disaster so many times. I made sure Jaimie promised to stay with Roadhog and stay safe, but I miss the feeling of him always having my back. You notice the weirdest things when you’re apart this long; how quiet the night is, how cold a bed can be, how silence hangs in the air during a conversation and you realize that moment belongs to him, he should be interjecting and brightening up the conversation. You miss the space he takes up in your life, the presence that reminds you you’re not really alone and never will be.

  
“Lucio! We got a few minutes, let’s grab dinner before the show!” Hana pokes her head in the room, ready as always to get me out of my funk.

“Okay, I’ll be right there!” I slide a pair of shoes onto my feet, grab a jacket, and walk out tp where she’s waiting.

“You ready?” She bounces on the balls of her feet, a bright splat of color in the halls of gray that compose the backstage of the concert hall.

_I cradle your faith that reveals me_   
_Grows like a flower then heals me_   
_Fills me with promise a new_

I feel the energy of the crowd stick to me as I climb into the bus. Okay, so maybe it’s not just the crowd, although they were so excited and happy to be there, I can’t help but think of Jaimie waiting there at the gate for me. I can't wait to actually hug and kiss him, to hold him. I never thought a bed could feel so empty and cold until Jaimie wasn’t in it.

 

  
“Hey, try and get some sleep or you’ll pass out right in the middle of your romantic little get together.” Hana teases, wagging her finger as a warning before plopping down across from me.

“What a shame that will be.” I yawn, tone sarcastic as I take a swig from a red bull. I hate being tired but unable to sleep. Might as well be caffinated as all hell. Me and Jaimie will both be twitchy, although his twitches won’t be from caffeine. “You know I won’t be able to sleep.”

Hana rolls her eyes. “Fine, but i’m not carrying you through the airport when you pass out. Maybe film a video of the great Lucio snoring into his soup thought.” Hana giggles. I can’t help but let out a snort.

“But there’s one thing you haven't accounted for!” I speak dramatically, every bit the persona of one of those over-excited villains in Yu-Gi-Oh right before they place down a game changing card.

“And what’s that?” Hana smirks.

“Red Buuuuuuuullllllllll!” I shout with all the enthusiasm of a character who’s had a trap card triggered, raising the can in mock celebration. Hana burst into a fit of giggles

  
_I carry your worn disillusion_   
_When my pathetic confusion_   
_Kept me from speaking the truth_   
_I'm simply a coin in your fountain_   
_Lost like the seconds I'm counting_   
_'Til I am closer to you_

  
The world is white, too white. Its blinding, with bits of red and blue flashing into the surroundings. Pain washes over me in waves and I cry out, unable to control my limbs. They’re strapped down to something. Something is wailing. Someone is yelling, my surroundings are swirling by wildly and I can't focus on any one thing. My mind is a mess of blurry undefined sights and sounds that I can't understand. A shadow falls over me and makes a low noise, the sound is soothing. Something clacks, there’s a pinch in my arm, and my world goes dark.

  
_I cherish every morning that found us_   
_With the night scattered around us_   
_Faded and painting me blue_   
_I carry your joy in my footsteps_   
_Making my way to your harbor_   
_Don't need to go any farther_   
_You are my sun and my moon_

  
“Ready?” I grin up at Jaimie. His hand feels wonderful on my hip, other hand intertwined with mine off to our side. He’s not looking at me, he’s looking down at his feet, brows furrowed in the faded light of the early morning. He keeps tugging at his tie. The room is quiet, our light coming from the faint starlight streaming through the windows behind us. He nods uncertainty.

“Remember the beat, four beats, four steps.” He just nods, biting his lip. I can't seem to get over how good he looks in his suit. He’ll look even better at the gala.

“I’m gonna fuck this up.” Jaimie sighes, moving his hands again, fingers tapping on my hip nervously.

“You’ll do fine. You already learned the rest, just follow my steps, once we get this down you’ll be able to lead the whole dance.” I reassure, moving a hand away from his shoulder to rub a thumb along his jaw reassuringly.

“Okay,” he sighs, looking at me expectantly.

“One,” We sway to the right. “Two,” I step out and away, keeping his one hand clasped in mine as he mirrors me so we’re facing the same direction. “Three,” I spin back. Jaimie reaches out an arm and wraps it from my shoulder down my back, almost cradling me. “Four,” Jaimie bends his one leg and I lean into his arms, we dip down. Our faces are close and I and see the blush creeping up his neck to his cheeks. I smile and crane my neck up, stealing a quick kiss before Jaimie lifts me back up.

“Do we really gotta dance at this thing? I’m gonna make a fool out of both of us, in front of so many important people…”

“Jaimie you’ll do fine. No one is going to think you’re a fool. Besides, you’re a great dancer.” I wish he’d relax, he always assumes that everyone is judging him. “This is the met gala. If you’re invited, then yeah, you go, you dress to the nines and you dance all night.” I smooth the fabric of his sleeves, hoping the motion will calm him as I smile up at him reassuringly. He sighs.

“You were the one invited, not me, I’m just your plus-one.” I can see a frown curving at his lips and I can’t help but shake my head.

“They only give you a plus one if they know you’re dating someone. It's basically an excuse to invite you without having to publically invite a non-celebrity. Trust me, trying to get Hana in was fruitless. They invited you, and there’s no way they’d allow me to bring anyone else.”

Jaimie frowns, tugging at his tie again.“Yeah, but they didn’t really, they invited your boyfriend, they’re just doing it to fuel the celebrity gossip. All they’ll be talking about is how weird I am.” The volume drops drastically with the last sentence but I still hear him.

“Which is why we’re gonna go and prove them wrong, show the whole world that you’re amazing.” I giggle. Jaimie rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Besides, everyone is weird at the met gala. The theme this year is catholic church stuff. You’re gonna see people walking around in halos and stained glass.” Okay, so maybe they’re just doing this for petty gossip and a new headline, but I’ve been to the met before, its so beautiful, I want to experience it with him. “Pleeeassseeee Jaimie.” I pout and look up at him. Is it bad I know how to play on his heartstrings? Oh well.

Jaimie lets out a breath. All will to argue gone.“As long as I don’t gotta walk around in a priest getup. You know I’m only doing this because I love you.” I smile, a bit mischievous. He interlaces our fingers briefly before I pull away, going to the small stereo on the floor.

“That’s fine with me, I got this whole outfit planned, priest vibes and everything. My avo will be proud.” I hear him laugh behind me. I pause and turn back to him, wagging a finger. “And I’m making you go because I love you. You need to go and learn to let go in a way that doesn't involve explosions.” I laugh quietly as he pouts, tapping the play button. The music comes on, a sappy love song that seems to warm the air around us. It's the perfect song to dance to. I walk over into his arms and swing into the song as the sun begins to rise.  
Wrapped in your arms where it's a peaceful

  
_Back in your arms where I'm happy_   
_I would do anything gladly_   
_Only to see you again_

  
Everything is fuzzy. I open my eyes and every shape seems to bleed into the other. Something is grasping my hand like a prayer. My ears start ringing and my legs ache, slowly becoming more and more intense. I can't move, can't look down at what’s holding me, but there’s nothing I can do about the pain. I manage a whimper when the pain becomes too overwhelming. Whatever is holding my hand tightens. A pale blob, no, Jaimie. Its Jaimie. He looks at me like he’s the one in pain and places a hand on my cheek, rubbing circles along my cheekbones. His lips move but the sound is low and muted, reverberating through my mind but failing to make any sense. He stares at me like he expects me to say something. The pain spikes and I whimper again. Jaimie turns and yells at something behind him and my world turns dark.

  
_Wrapped in your arms I can wander_   
_Out to the heavens above me_   
_Hearing you say that you love me_   
_Back in your arms where I'm free_

“Lucio, my Lucio….” Jaimie giggles, humming the words between kisses up my throat, nipping here and there as his fingers trace up up my sides, light like the brush of wings. I smile and run my hands over his legs, tracing my fingers over the lean muscles there. His words float in the air in the most beautiful way, dancing around us and wrapping me in declarations of love and adoration. Apparently that bottle of wine was stronger than we thought. It was certainly too good to just drink one glass. I love when Jaimie is like this, (drunk off his ass or not.) when that hateful little voice in his head is silenced. It means warm nights of love, when he’s able to show me his heart for what it is and accept my affection without doubt. I know sometimes that spiteful little voice in his head tells him that I judge him. He’s told me before, on a night like this, that sometimes he thinks I’m with him out of pity, that he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop and for me to toss him out the door to shatter what’s left of him and his tortured heart. I wish I could somehow show him, permanently, that I love him and all his imperfections.

“I love you so much Lucio.” Jaimie places the words like kisses down my neck, humming with affection, pupils blown wide and smile resting on his lips. In moments like this, I feel like i’ve won at something. Every moment where Jaimie feels safe enough to share everything with me is a victory. Days like this seem to be becoming more frequent. Maybe one day I’ll be able to wash away all his doubts. In the meantime, I have a few powerful words that help any situation.

“I love you more.” I hum and comb a hand through his hair, twirling a finger around a strand before pulling him closer to me. I know Jaimie loves me. Sometimes he’s struck by some imaginary fear, like I’ll reject him, but other days he breathes me in like air and holds me like i’m the last light in his world. I’ve learned to read him, when he wants to say he loves me but he’s afraid to. He’ll get flustered, fiddle around with his arms. I know that means he’s debating with himself if he should reach out and hold me. In moments like that I make sure to open up first, make sure he knows I want his affection. Moments like this I can keep with me forever, comforting memories to hold close when my heart hurts. This is Jaimie at his core, when all the voices telling him to scrutinize himself disappear. He’s so beautiful when he trusts me with his heart. In his heart he wants to make me feel important and loved and cherished. It’s a breath of fresh air, his words wings to my heart. I don’t think I could ever feel cold in Jaimie’s arms.

“M-mhmmn.” Jaimie hums argumentatively, moving his head up to look me in the eyes. “I love you more than you’ll ever know. You’re... ,” He struggles with the words for a moment, furrowed brows fighting with his alcohol-clouded mind. “You may as well be my heart with how close you are to it.” He’s clearly satisfied with his statement, smiling with an air of pride. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer, lips making their way up to my jaw, punctuating every loving phrase with a kiss. Joyful kisses pepper my face before finally landing on my lips, silencing any chance of me continuing our little argument. I smirk against his lips and pull away, leaning back up to nip at his lip as I lift up his shirt, running my hands up his chest.

“I adore you more than you know Jaimie. More than the blood in my veins and the breath in my lungs.”

_I keep every phrase barely spoken_   
_That from your lips may have broken free_   
_As you give me your love_   
_My yearning is constant and steady_   
_When I'm with you I'm already_   
_Everything I can become_

  
There’s a weight over my midsection. I feel like someone stuffed the spare room in my head with cotton. I open my eyes and the light seems to cut to the back of my skull, an angry stabbing beam. I let out a groan and whatever is perched on my midsection moves. My vision is clearer than last time, and i’m able to roll my head to the side. Its Jaimie.

“Lucio? Love are you okay? Does anything hurt? Doc said to call ‘em if you hurt.” He’s tired, I can tell. He sits up and grabs my hand.

“N-yeh” My voice doesn't seem to want to work. My voice feels rough on my throat, like I haven't talked in ages and any sound threatens to rub my throat raw.

“Drink some, you need fluids.” Jaimie leans to grab something, that thing apparently being a cup with a silly straw curling above it’s lid. He presses the straw to the edge of my lips insistently. I comply. Whatever the drink is, its sugary, and it feels soothing. “It’s some sweet tea, apparently it should be good for your recovery…” Jaimie stutters on awkwardly. I try and pull my voice together, pushing the straw out of my mouth.

“What happened?” It hurts to speak, but I need to know.

“You, ah- your bus got in a pretty bad crash. The entire thing is practically scrap metal now. Hana broke like, five ribs and her arm.” Jaimie is oddly methodical in his speech, like its rehearsed. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s directly quoting the doctor. I wonder if they told him what to say.

“You okay?” I place a hand over our two palms entwined. Jaimie only gets more nervous, fidgeting with the hospital blankets and looking around the room. I love him but Jaimie is easier to read than an open book in large print.

“Of course I’m fine, I’m not the one that got in the bus crash. I’m just really worried, glad you’re okay n’ all that.” He keeps glancing at the foot of the bed and then looking away guiltily.

“What... did the doctor tell you to not tell me?” It takes an effort to get the words out there. Jaimie swallows nervously, adam's apple bobbing as he fidgets even more, clutching his arms and starting to rock a bit in his chair, curling into himself. I sit up a bit to try and draw him out of it. I don’t think they’ll let him stay in the room if he has a panic attack right after I wake up. Jaimie jumps a bit in his seat, pushing me back against the bed.

“You need to rest, too much stress will hurt you more….” More rehearsed lines, more fidgeting. Jaimie is a terrible liar. I glare at him, leaning up more. “Please Lucio, just rest.” Jaimie’s voice turns pleading.

“I need to know, don’t go lying to me.” My voice is rough and I know it cuts deep. Jaimie bites at his lip and rocks in his chair, curling into himself more with each passing moment.

“If I tell ya, it’ll make you stressed, and hurt more, and…” I place a hand on his arm, tugging at it. He shakes his head and looks down at his lap.

“Jai-’

“Ya lost your legs!” The words burst out of him so quickly I almost think I imagined them.

“Wh….?” I can’t seem to process what's going on. Jaimie scrunches his hair in his hands, pulling and curling up more before taking a long breath and releasing his grip, opting to comb his hands through his hair repeatedly.

“You…. lost your legs. In the crash. Shrapnel cut right through them. Bad infection set in. It was your legs or your life…” Am I breathing? I feel like my heart’s stopped. They can't be gone. I would.... I would know if they’re gone, right? Feel a part of me missing? Jaimie looks up at me, startled and shaking, uncurling from his seat and placing a hand on my face, wiping something away. A tear? Am I crying? My stomach turns and I keep trying to suck in a breath, over and over again but I still can't breathe. I’m shaking. Its suffocating.

“Lucio, calm down, breathe, like me.” Jaimie takes one of my arms and places my palm flat on his chest. I can feel it expand and contract rhythmically under my touch and it’s soothing. I focus hard on it and after a moment I let out a breath, shaky and panicked, but better. Jaimie starts rubbing my back, shushing me and wiping away the tears that continue to blur my vision. A thought, no, an urgent need tumbles into my mind, crystal clear amongst the chaos of my panicked thoughts.

“I want to see.” Jaimie looks at me, conflicted.

“That won’t be good, Doc said it could cause… shock and..”

“I want to see.” My voice is demanding. Jaimie pauses, looking me in the eyes before he nods, more to himself that to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and slowly leaning me upwards.

“You sure about this? I don’t want to freak you out, it could make you worse…” He fiddles with the edge of the blankets. From here I can see where my legs end beneath the sheets, the lumps where my calves and feet should be gone, going completely flat below my knees. I can feel myself shaking again. Jaimie can too, he holds me tighter.

“I’m as sure as I’ll ever be.” My voice is a bit too shaky for so determined a statement, but I guess it works for Jaimie. He carefully pulls back the blanket and I have to choke down a sob as I stare down at the bandaged stumps that used to be my legs. My hand seems to move with a mind of it’s own, reaching down and grazing along the bandages, feeling the points where my legs disappear. Its like im in someone else’s body, it certainly doesn't feel like my own.  
The world is moving around me and I can’t feel anything. Jaimie runs a hand over what must be my arm, dipping his hand under mine and pulling my arm back after I pull at a bandage, trying to calm me down. He’s saying something, but I can’t seem to process it. The tone seems comforting, but the words just stream through my ears like a river and empty out into the void that is my panicked and mourning heart. These attempts at comfort are probably the only things holding me back from throwing up. He starts rubbing my back again. He never stops with the comforting words, more a calming lullaby than any form of assurance. He shifts beside me and suddenly I am pulled back into him, arms wrapped around me. A phrase breaks through my mind’s haze, muttered low and calming near my ear.

“You’ll be okay.” A prayer. “You’ll be okay.” A promise. “You’ll be okay.” A mantra.

  
_I cherish every morning that found us_   
_With the night scattered around us_   
_Faded and painting me blue_   
_I carry your joy in my footsteps_   
_Making my way to your harbor_   
_Don't need to go any farther_   
_You are my sun and my moon_

  
“Hey Lucio, green or orange?” Jaimie saunters into the room, or at least as much as someone with a pegleg can saunter. A smile tugs at the corner of my lips.

“I’ll take green, thaaank you.” I pluck the cup of jello out of Jaimie’s hand, stopping only to grab a spoon before quickly shoveling a large bite into my mouth. Jaimie chuckles and sits down in the chair beside my bed, opening his own cup of jello and eating it quickly, forgoing a spoon.

“Oh hey, I just talked to the doctor.” Jaimie announces after swallowing down his entire cup of jello.

“Mh-hump?” Why I chose to try and talk through a mouthful of food I do not know. A good sized chunk falls an impressive distance from my mouth to the floor. Its impressive considering I’m lying back in the bed, a good foot away from the edge of it. At least I didn’t spit up jello on Jaimie, although I don’t think he’d mind. I laugh to myself a little bit. The painkillers they keep me on are one hell of a drug. I don’t think i’ve felt so loopy for years. At least not since my wisdom teeth were removed.

“They’re figuring out your prothstetics. You’re gonna get robo legs, like the legit stuff where you can feel and move em’ around like real legs. Only they’re really shiny.” Jaimie leans back in his stiff hospital chair, pleased.

“We’ll match.” I can only laugh, which is as much a bad idea with a mouthful of jello as talking is.

“Yup. You and me may be missing a few pieces here and there, but at least you and me together got the normal amount of limbs.” I choke down a laugh along with the rest of the jello.

“Yeah, a whole three arms and one leg. Should be fun getting around.” It's nice being able to make jokes about the situation, it makes me realize that even with my legs gone, my life can still carry on.

“Yep, thankfully I got prosthetics. Buggers cost me an arm and a leg, no pun intended. Yours are gonna be nice though with all your DJ cash.” I snickered at the pun, knowing with Jaimie it was very intended. I know I’m right when I hear cackles bubbling up his throat as he tries to keep his lips pressed together. It doesn’t work well.

“Hey Jaimie, the doctor said I can be moved around now, right?” It's been tortuous, confined to this little room. When visiting hours end things get so quiet and lonely. Jaimie got me my soundboard and some headphones but since Hana got dismissed from the hospital, life has been too quiet.

“Yep, you’re free to go anywhere in this hospital you’re clunky little wheelchair can carry you.” Jaimie chuckled at my frown, pecking my cheek. “Wanna go on an adventure? Maybe get yelled at by a nurse or two?”

I scoot to the edge of the bed excitedly.“More than anything.” My voice is a mix of tired and joking. Jaimie taps his foot excitedly before popping up and dragging over my hospital-issued wheelchair. He’s nearly as excited to leave this room as I am.

“Then let’s make some mischief.” I lift my arms and he picks me up, wrapping an arm around my thighs since he can’t exactly pick me up from beneath my knees. It's a very odd bridal carry, but it works and he manages to get me into my wheelchair with no problem. I look down at the stumps of my legs peeking out of my shorts and feel embarrassment wash over me.

“Could you put a blanket over my legs?” I don’t know why I’m embarrassed by my legs, or lack thereof. It’s not like I can really control whether or not I have legs but it feels almost shameful.

“Cold?” Jaimie isn’t the most perceptive person out there but I guess he caught my frown. He takes my silence for an answer and proceeds to wheel me out of the room without a blanket. “Yaknow people don’t really care if you have a few pieces missing. They’ll ask how you lost them and junk, they try and be sympathetic, but no one ever thinks less of you for them. They tend to judge ya on how you present yourself, and you’re handsome as hell, with or without your legs. You’ll have no problems.” I don’t know what to say. I guess he’s been a bit too close to my situation before. It makes me sad, he’s been in this same place. It's a shitty place to be. My hands scrunch up the fabric of my shorts as he keeps talking. “You’ll look cool with the legs too, I mean you gotta admit the designs are pretty slick. They’ll be easy to take care of, you’ll get different ones for missions and skating and doin your DJ thing later on too-”

“Thanks Jaimie,” I laugh. I can tell he’s about to get into one of his tangents. Conversations with him tend to go down the rabbit hole, but I don’t mind. You can end up some pretty interesting places.

“No need to thank me. You’re a goddam cutie. Fact.” I snort and nearly fall over in the chair. Lucily Jaimie is able to grab my shoulder and drag me back in my chair. It's gonna take some time to get used to my missing counterbalances. “A cutie who needs to stay in his chair.”

_Wrapped in your arms where it's a peaceful_   
_Back in your arms where I'm happy_   
_I would do anything gladly_   
_Only to see you again_

  
I’m pretty sure I’m gonna break Jaimie’s hand. They were just setting up and my stumps already hurt like hell. Now they’re gonna try and cram my already sore and swollen legs into some high tech, can-communicate-physical-sensations prothstetics. Hana set up a video chat with my family back in Rio and everyone back at the overwatch base so they could see my “first steps.” On the bright side, my legs look really, really cool. They modeled them off the gear I already wear on my legs in combat. Needless to say I like them. Although, not so much how much they hurt.

“Ready? We’re gonna completely attach the nerves. It’ll sting for a second.” That was the doctor’s way of saying its gonna hurt like hell. The doctor grabs my legs that are partially attached to the prothstetics. Twist, click.

“Ahhhhhhhhh-Fuck!” They’re on. The pain’s fading. No one is saying anything. Looking up at the screens Efi clearly looks shocked and one of my cousins seems to have lost their ability to blink. Realization hits quick. “Oh no there’s little ones!” My spare hand flies up to cover my mouth in shock. I just cursed in front of all my tiny cousins, my mom, my grandma, and little Efi back at the base. It just slipped out. One look at the screens confirms that both my mom and Ana are glaring at me with near identical looks. That’ll be a fun conversation later on. Jaimie is losing it next to me. I make sure to squeeze his hand particularly tight. Hopefully painful enough to shock some common sense into him. It is not, he falls back on the bed, cackling.

“Okaaay, let’s try and move a bit. Don’t be upset if you can’t get too far, it takes a while to get used to them.” Thank goodness this doctor knows how to brush off an awkward situation. Jaimie quiets and sits back up, ready to help and make sure I don’t fall flat on my ass.  
“Okay,” I nod. I try and kick my leg, it works. The mechanical muscles are more responsive than I expected, jumping to flex and contract at the tiniest thought, which leads to some awkward leg flexing and kicking. At least the machinery is quiet. After a minute I feel like I got it down to some degree. “Can I try walking?” The doctor nods and Jaimie stands up, pulling me up with him, nearly pinned to his side.

“Ready?” Jaimie looks at me, all smiles.

“As I’ll ever be.” Jaimie gives me a particularly excited grin and slowly eases me away from him, letting me find my balance and I get used to carrying all of my weight. Once I find my balance he keeps an arm hovering around my shoulders and another on my arm in case I need to lean on him. It feels so odd, these legs don’t feel like my old ones, but I can still feel with them, they’re incredibly sensitive and I can nearly count every strand in the carpet beneath my feet through touch alone. It's odd. I try and take a step and feel my legs buckle beneath me. Jaimie catches me and hoists me back up.

“Hey, take it slow. You got this.” He’s trying to be encouraging. I let the momentary frustration melt away and try again. It still doesn’t work, the muscles in my leg don’t seem to want to coordinate with my prothstetics. I can move one or the other individually, but both together mess up my timing and I fall. Or I would fall, Jaimie still catches me.

“You’ll get this.” This will be far more frustrating than I thought.

  
_Wrapped in your arms where you love me_   
_Back in your arms where I'm free_

Three week. Three weeks and all I can manage are short walks. I want to scream. How am I ever going to be able to skate or dance or fight if I can hardly walk? At least now I can stumble around in a place I can consider home.

“Okay, hey Lucio, be careful. Junkrat be careful with that wheelchair. Hey, hey!” Mercy was ever the pestering mother figure. Lord help me if I walk around too much. It was a bit overwhelming, everyone flocking around me. They had a whole welcoming celebration and everything. It was fun but incredibly strenuous. I just can’t wait to rest. My legs are already hurting. I can walk on my own for a little bit, im working on balance. Jaimie and Hana have basically been assigned to the ‘Lucio protection squad.’ The sole purpose being to make sure I don’t crack my head open forcing myself to walk and making sure I sit down often. They’re pretty good at their jobs, seeing as I tend to fight them when it comes to going back to the wheelchair. Junkrat decided the solution to this was to plead with Roadhog until the giant of a man agreed to carry me around. I lean against the wall, getting my balance back and giving my legs a break. Angela says i’ll get used to them with time, that the legs will calibrate with me as I use them, but right now they’re exhausting. Mako seems to have spotted me taking a break because he doesn't hesitate to pick me up.

“I’m okay.” I feel kind of bad, being the reason Roadhog has to follow everyone around all day instead of chilling like he normally does.

“Yes you are.” He doesn't put me down, despite his agreement.

“You don’t have to carry me, I was just taking a break.” Should I apologize to him? I mean yeah he agreed, but it still seems like an inconvenience. How do you even apologize for your hyperactive boyfriend dragging someone into carrying you around all day?

“I don’t mind.” He hoists me up to his shoulder. God he’s tall, I feel like I'm sitting on a small building or something. Being tall must be nice.

“Well, thank you.” He doesn't really reply, just grunts in a vaguely positive way. Mako doesn't seem to like talking a lot. I think the only times I’ve heard him hold an engaged conversation were when he was with Junkrat or Ana. One conversation mostly consisting of plans for new bombs and guns; how well different mechanisms will work and such. The other was surprisingly casual, like two neighbors chatting about the long lives they’ve lived. I guess Mako has seen a lot. I'm glad no one interrupted that conversation as everyone went about their mornings, the two of them deserved some peace.

“Junkrat do not- Oh my god stop.” Angela could be heard beyond the door to my room, followed by Jaimie’s characteristic cackle. Upon entering my room, I tried to choke back a laugh as Jaimie drapes himself over my wheelchair in the most absurd way, nearly toppling the whole thing over. Mercy looks over at me, a look of ‘can you control your hyperactive boyfriend?’ plastered over her face. She looked entirely done. I definitely can’t laugh now. _No, Lucio, very serious face, disappointed in Junkrat face. You can’t go losing Mercy’s respect she’s the one who’s going to be making sure you actually figure out how to move normally again_. I take a second to choke down my laughter that seems to only become more insistent as Mercy becomes progressively more tired.

“Jaimie can you help me set up my stuff?” I look pointedly at Jaimie, and out of the corner of my eye I can see Mercy relax a bit. Jaimie grins and sits up, which proves to be a bad idea when the chair falls over.

“I assume you will be fine from here on out?” Mercy looks like she really needs a drink.

I nod. “Yep, Jaimie should be able to help me out.” Mercy takes this as her queue to leave. Roadhog lifts me up and places me down next to my bed, thankfully making sure I have my balance before he lets me take my whole weight.

“Be good.” Roadhog speaks up, addressing Jaimie without turning to him. He walks over and lifts up the chair, Jaimie and all, righting it and leaving the room. Jaimie gets out of the chair, taking the chance to stretch out to his full height for a brief moment before falling back into his hunch, sitting on the bed next to me and motioning for me to sit.

“You doin’ good?” He leans toward me once I sit down. “Don’t be afraid to say when you need a break, I don't want you to collapse in the middle of the hallway.” He places a hand on my shoulder, smiling but clearly a bit concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine, my legs were just hurting, it feels weird to walk so much in them and it kinda irritates my legs where they meet the prothstetics.” I rub along the top of my leg a bit, but they remain sore.

“Lemme help.” Jaimie moves down to my legs, working on the latches of the prothstetic. “You should probably talk to Mercy about that.” He gets one leg off and rubs along the end of my leg. That definitely helps. I sigh a bit.

“Yeah, she says they take a month or two to calibrate completely. Apparently it’ll be like my own legs soon enough, they just have to- mold to me? If that makes sense.” Jaimie nods, having removed the other prothstetic, he begins to rub at the stumps of my legs. “That feels so much better..”

“Good, you looked pretty uncomfortable standing around in them.” He laughs a bit, continuing at his work. Its like what I would imagine taking off a pair of heels after a long night of dancing would feel like. “So, outside a your legs, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine I guess. Just tired.” Jaimie looks up at me and quirks an eyebrow.

“You don’t seem tired. You almost seem angry.” Dang, if Jaimie picked up on that I must really seem on edge. I let my head fall back as I support myself on my arms.

“Yeah, if i'm being honest Im pretty frustrated. I- don’t know how im going to perform or fight in these things.” I know my voice sounds exasperated. Jaimie clicks his tongue.

“Like Mercy says, it's gonna take time. You’ll be back on your feet in no time. It just takes a while. I didn’t exactly figure out my arm and leg in a day.” He’s trying to be humorous but his voice is laced with an uneasy worry, like if he doesn't hide the weight in both our chests it will come crashing down and destroy us all. I know he’s trying to make it okay. He always tries so hard to cheer me up, he’ll say its okay when he really doesn't know. He’s a terrible liar.

“But we don’t really know that. My nervous system could reject them and that’ll mess up the nerves left in my legs and then I’ll have to get old fashioned prothstetics and then i’ll lose most of my mobility.” Jaimie is looking down, but his body's gone tense. His fingers less steady, stuttering on in a mymic of a massage. I place my hands over his. “Jaimie, look at me.” He doesn't look up, he must be crying or almost crying. He hates looking at me when he’s crying.

“But you’ll still be okay. You’ll still be able to make music and jokes and maybe even run and dance. You’re okay.” I sigh and lean over him.

“I really don’t know if I will be. That’s why I’m worried.” I place my hands around his downturned face. “Jaimie, please look at me.” He hesitantly lifts his head. His face is scrunched up and his eyes are definitely watery. “I’m just saying, I don’t know…”

“I’m worried too, I- You’ll be okay. Even if you can‘t move a lot, I, we, Overwatch can help you, you can still do a lot of what you love…” He leans up and wraps his arms around me, moving us both farther onto the bed and holding me close. It feels nice.

“I hope so.” I don’t know how I feel. I can’t help but feel a bit broken. A part of myself is literally missing. Even with Jaimie’s pep talk in the hospital, I hate walking around and being seen without my prothstetics. People all give me the same look: pity. I realize now that that’s the look I first gave Jaimie. Its irritating, makes the broken feeling grow.

“I love you.” Jaimie places a kiss on my head. He places his prothstetic hand in mine. “We’ll figure it out. Okay doesn't always mean the same.”

_Wrapped in your arms where it's a peaceful_   
_Back in your arms where I'm happy_   
_I would do anything gladly_   
_Only to see you again_

  
Admittedly, I am getting better, I can move a bit faster, and for much longer than I could but when I think back to my days playing hockey and soccer, what i'm able to manage now is pitiful. ‘They’re still adjusting.’ Seems to have become Angela’s new catchphrase. ‘You’ll improve.’ And I have, but it frustrates me to no end. Right now, in physical therapy, I feel like I might just explode.

“Now don’t go pushing yourself too hard, tell me if they act up.” Angela says, standing across from me. “Now we’re going to do some knee lifts and extensions. Like this.” Angela lifts her knee close to her chest and extends it. I nod. My legs are hurting, a lot, we’ve already been for a short jog and done a bunch of squats and stretches, but this is the only way I’ll get better. I'm not about to stop.

“I got this.” I speak a bit more assuredly than I feel. The stretch stirs up a deep ache in my legs and I have to hold back a cringe as I extend it. I’ll get past this. I can do this. I can overcome.

“Just take it slow, this isn’t a race.” Angela steps a bit closer, monitoring my movements to make sure I get the full benefits of the exercise. It kind of irritates me. I know she’s doing it for my own good but it sucks when the people around you treat you like you’re made of glass. I know its her job to make sure I don’t get hurt, but everyone else is acting like it's their job too.

“I said I got this.” I keep as much frustration out of my voice as possible, the ostracised remnants boiling beneath my lungs. My leg should be moving higher than this, faster and more precise. I push myself a bit more and a piercing pain bolts up my leg, crackling under my skin and if I didn’t know better I would say the missing part of my leg was on fire. I can only collapse with a groan, Mercy is quick to rush to my side and cushion as much of my fall as possible. “Shit.”

“Are you okay? Are you feeling alright? Where does it hurt?” The questions bounce out of her mouth, one after another as her eyes dart over my body, looking for the cause of my sudden collapse.

“I don’t know, it feels like- fuck. It feels like my legs are still there and they’re being stabbed.” Mercy just nodded, seemingly relaxed in the face of my pain.

“Phantom pains. We should call it a day, this has been too strenuous for you. Let me get you some painkillers.” She stands up and frowns at me when I push myself up to my elbows. “Stay here and try to relax. I’ll call Junkrat to get you.” I can only frown as she walks off. I lay back on the floor, angry at the world and myself. I can’t even stand up right now, she’ll come back and yell at me for disobeying ‘doctor’s orders.’ I feel like I’m trapped inside my own body, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I shouldn’t feel unsafe on my own in a place I call home, but if someone were to come in here and try and kill me, what all could I do? Try and hop away with my pitiful excuse for speed and mobility? Grab my gear which is 95 percent of the time too far away for me to reach in a reasonable amount of time? Throw my new metal legs at them? I have a bit of Capoeira and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, but even then those skills are limited without the use of my legs. Its like I’m a sitting duck and it feels pathetic.

“Okay, he’s on his way. Take these.” Angela surprises me, placing a cup of water down next to me and pressing a few pills into my hand.

“These phantom pains, do they ever go away?” I take the pills without question. Although the pain had subsided a bit, it was still definitely there.

“Sometimes, it's a just a physiological thing and it depends on the patient.” Her expression is almost apologetic. Admitting something she can’t fix must be difficult for her. “The painkillers will help though. Tell Junkrat to get you a warm compress for your legs, it will help too. If you can occupy your mind with something other than your legs it’ll fade.” Once I’ve finished the water she hooks her arms under mine and helps me up. “Try and rest, we’ll see where you are tomorrow.”

“We’re not going to delay training are we?” I can’t afford to fall behind in this.

“It depends, if you’re relaxed and feeling better then no, we’ll stay on schedule.” A tapping can be heard at the door and Angela moves me to a seat before answering it.

“I’m here doc!” Jaimie all too happily pushes my old wheelchair into the room, coming over to me.

“Do I really have to?” I can only look at the chair warily. I hate having to be wheeled around.

“I don’t want to risk the chance of you collapsing while trying to walk.” Angela explains, motioning for me to get in the seat.

“Don’t worry, it's not a long ride.” Jaimie grins down at me with some semblance of assurance. He knows I don’t like it, he’ll probably go fast to minimize it, which creates a whole other problem.

“Okay.” I shift up a bit and into the chair. At least they don’t feel like they need to help me move from seat to seat anymore.

“Make sure to do apply a compress when you get the chance.” Mercy mentions as i’m wheeled out the door. I nod as the doors close behind us.

“So what’s all this about?” Jaimie is quiet, words laced with concern I realize he was hiding back in the room.

“Apparently I pushed myself too far, got aggravated and got phantom pains.” I massage lightly at where my leg meets metal. Jaimie sighes and leans into the chair, deciding to knead at my shoulder with a free hand since we’re going straight.

“Then let’s take it easy today, yeah?” I know his intentions are good, he loves me, but the glass feeling returned.

“I don’t know if its me pushing myself that’s causing this though. I think it's stress.” At least I know he cares about me, tries to help. At the very least I know I can bounce thoughts off of him when I just need to get my feelings out into the air.

“Muhhum, whatcha stressin’ about?” He takes his hand off my shoulder as we round a corner and get to my room. I wait till he helps me onto my bed before continuing, watching him put up the chair.

“I kinda feel like a sitting duck, everyone is treating me like I'm made of porcelain and if they’re not careful I’ll break.” Jaimie looks at me over his shoulder as he fiddles with the joints of the chair, trying to get it to fold.

“Well you got hurt, people don’t want you to have to hurt more.” He tugs at a leg and the thing finally folds up.

“Yeah, but…. I don’t really know how to really say this, you know? Like, I used to be able to fight and beat people way bigger than me. I was clever and fast and strong. Now a lot of that’s gone and I can’t shake the feeling like even if im not caught off guard, I can be destroyed easily.”

“Well you got me, and Hana, and everyone at the base. It's not like you’ll be alone, and you’ll be able to protect yourself soon.” Jaimie puts the chair away and sits next to me.

“But what about now? I know you guys have my back, but I'm not around someone all of the time, and it sucks feeling defenseless in my own home.” Jaimie nods and seems to take a moment to turn this over in his head before patting around in his pockets, pulling something out. It looks like a tiny soda can.

“Hopefully this will help.” He grins and motions for me to take it. I pick it up and roll it around between my fingers.

“A bomb?” It has his signature smiley face painted on the side and it makes me smile.

“Yep, see that wire stickin’ out the side? Tug on that baby as hard as you can and throw it at the feet of whoever is comin’ at you. It's a small bomb, shouldn't hurt anyone outside of that person and it's easy to use. It's why I carry them around with me outside of battle. I got a few more if you want.” He pulls a few more out of a pocket, smiling at me. I don’t know why the idea of tiny bombs is cute, but it is.

“Thanks Jaimie.” I turn one over in my hand, hopefully it's fairly stable. Jaimie drapes an arm over my shoulder and pulls me back onto the bed.

“This’ll be over soon, I know it's frustrating but if you keep at it you’ll be right as rain in no time.” he presses a kiss to my shoulder and I can’t help but smile.

“Yeah…” I tuck the bomb into my pocket and lean back into Jaimie’s arms. “I wonder how the fans will react. My manager says I shouldn’t reveal what happened until im able to perform again.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, they’ll all be glad you’re still kicking.” Jaimie hums against my skin. “Speaking of which, your manager kept leaving messages while you were gone.”

“Damn, way to bury the lead, she’s gonna be pissed…” I go rigid and push out of Jaimie’s arms to fumble around for my phone on the bedside table. A difficult maneuver with no legs. Jaimie sits up and reaches over me, grabbing my phone and pushing it into my hand. “Thanks.” I shoot him a small smile before calling her back. Damn, I missed eleven calls.

“Hello, ah! Lucio, why didn’t you pick up?” My manager is stern and I can feel the scowl from over the phone.

“Yeah, sorry, I was at physical therapy.” I shuffled a bit. Jaimie was sitting a bit away from me looking at me from the side of his eye with poorly veiled curiosity, tapping his fingers on his thigh.

“Well I hope you’re doing a lot better, you’ve been invited to perform at the Emmy awards ceremony!” I can’t tell if she’s panicked or excited. Probably both.

“That’s not long from now, I can hardly handle a light jog, you didn’t accept did you?” I know I sound stressed. I am. Jaimie reaches out and smoothes a hand over my shoulder. Oh, they were tensed up, weren't they? He mouths the word ‘breathe’ to me. I nod.

“Listen, if the media gets wind that not only did you get into a wreck but also refused to perform at such a huge event, people will panic. You don’t have to be as active as you normally do, but you need to perform.” There’s no way people won’t notice my lack of activity and dancing.

“Well people will panic if I can barely perform after I get in a wreck.” I shoot back. I can hear a huff across the line.

“You don’t just turn down a deal like this, this could make you huge huge. You’re doing the performance.” I ball my spare hand into a fist. She clearly doesn't care about my condition. I don’t know if that fact hurts more or the fact that i'm going to have to face my fans.

“So what? I can’t do this! I can’t just walk out there and hope they won’t notice, they will and you know it!” I raise my voice, shoulders tensing once more.

“Well the fans will have to find out sometime I suppose. You should make a video or announcement of sorts to break the news. I’ll call the studio…” Shuffling can be heard across the line.

“No!... No, I can’t do that, they’ll think i'm a joke!” Something hot burns in my chest and behind my eyes. Jaimie places light hands on my shoulder and I shrug them off. I want to be mad right now.

“Well it's that or end your career, if you can’t get up on that stage without your legs then you’re not likely to get on that stage ever again.” She almost sounds regretful, pitying. It makes me feel sick. I feel trapped. I'm not about to give up, but to get up on the stage knowing everyone knows.... I can already feel the panic rising up my throat and coiling in my chest, gripping my lungs. Jaimie lunges forward and grabs the phone, wrapping an arm around me and bringing the phone to his ear.

“What do you think you’re…”

“That’s great sheila, he’s gonna do that, don’t go getting your knickers in a twist and kindly sod off.” Yelling can be heard across the line before Jaimie hangs up, wrapping his other arm around me and swaying. “You gotta breathe, you were panicking.” I can still feel myself shaking. “You’ll perform great, with or without your legs. Your music is showstopping enough.” My breathing still isn’t steady, but i'm not shaking as much.

“I can’t.” I grip my own arms.

“What do you mean you can’t? Of course you can, you’re Lucio Correia Dos Santos, I don’t think i’ve ever seen you run into something you can’t-”

“I can’t, not with them knowing what happened. I'm not about to go up onto that stage begging for some kind of pity.” I nearly spit the words.

“Pity?” Jaimie leans back, looking down at me questioningly.

“Yes, pity. What do you think people will think when they hear about my injuries?” I push his arms off me and feel the coil of panic resurge with a vengeance.

“They’ll think you’re strong.” Jaimie looks serious. I feel myself pause. He couldn’t be more wrong.

“That’s not what people think of you.” The words spill past my lips before I can stop them, and they continue to pour, one syllable linked to the other in a cruel unbreakable bond. “People think you’re deranged and broken and pitiful. That's all they see. It's what I saw and it's all a lot of people will ever see.” The words sound venomous even as they pour out and Jaimie looks at me like I just hit him. He looks away and sighs, clutching his arms and curling into himself. I feel a pang of regret.

“You and I are different. That’s not how they’ll see you because people already like you. You’re pretty and smart and likable, people want to see your good parts.” I can hear that familiar resentment creep into his voice. Jaimie stands up from the bed and makes his way to the door.

“Jaimie, I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes you did.” The door slides closed behind him.

_Wrapped in your arms I can wander_   
_Out to the heavens above me_   
_Hearing you say that you love me_   
_Back in your arms where I'm free_

  
I can only sit in shock as the messages roll in. I managed to do it. At three am, I filmed a short video telling my fans what happened, showing what happened to my legs, and posted it. There was definitely some pity, but there was also an overwhelming amount of support. Other people with disabilities and handicaps making heartfelt posts. Jaimie was right. People want to see the good parts. I can almost hear him cackling over my shoulder and telling me he told me so. For the first time in a while I'm glad he’s right. It makes those old words sting a little more though. How much progress did I undo with those words? I hope Jaimie doesn't hate that feeling of pity like I do. Its late, but Jaimie is nearly nocturnal when he isn’t sharing a bed with someone. Hopefully he’s still up.

It's a bit of a reach to get my prothstetics but I manage to grab them without falling out of my bed and pull them on. It's never too late for an apology, if my mom is to be believed. My legs are getting less shaky, which is nice, but it still takes longer than it used to to get to Jaimie’s room. When I open the door I see I was right in assuming he wasn’t asleep. He's sitting on his bed, playing with his lighter, lights off.

“Hey,” I linger in the doorway until he looks up at me.

“Hey,” He pauses the flickering of his lighter and I turn the lights on. I walk over to the bed and plop down next to him. I can see some new burn marks along the pads of his fingers and I frown, taking his hand and turning it over in mine, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” Jaimie looks down at our hands and then up at a poster taped haphazardly to his wall.

“It’s okay.” I can feel the walls rising up around him.

“I mean it's really not. You were trying to help and I was stressed. I'm sorry I said all that stuff.” Jaimie seems to relax a bit.

“But you still meant them.” He sighs and puts down the lighter, rubbing at his face with his free hand.

“Yes, I still meant them. Unfortunately it's easy to assume things about you.” I rub my thumb over the the ridges of his hand.

“I know.” His prosthetic hand doesn't leave his face and I frown, tugging it down. It wouldn’t be the first time he thoughtlessly cut his face with his metal hand.

“I know now there’s more to you than what I first saw, and I'm so glad I bothered to know you more.” I scoot closer to him and lean a head on his shoulder. Looking up I can see a shy little smile tugging at his lips. Good. “Just because you’re different doesn't make you broken. I hope you know I love all the weird things about you, they make you stand out from the rest.” Jaimie is quiet, but I feel him lean into me more. “I posted the video. You were right, people said Im strong.” Jaimie nodded a bit to himself. “I’m going to do the Emmys.”

“Good,” Jaimie looks down at me and places his metal hand over the bundle of intertwined fingers resting in my lap. The closest thing to an acceptance of my apology I’m going to get. He doesn't like giving voice to past grievances.

“I love you,” I press my head to his shoulder more, looking up at him with a grin.

“I love you too.” His grin a shy mirror of mine, he presses a kiss to my lips.


End file.
